Strange last few weeks. Cleansing. Reflective. All good things.
My Ahboo (my grandmother….Dad’s mom) passed on to her next mission [what ever that may be to you].
She was having heart problems and she didn’t want to change her eating habits.
I understand why.
Shit, if I am on my way out…why go out eating shit I don’t like?
I was able to talk to her a week and a half ago and tell her I love her. She told me she wasn’t doing well. I knew what that meant, I just didn’t tell anyone else…no sense getting everyone worked up.
My other Nana (mom’s mom) who lost her soul mate last fall, says this about coming to terms with it all:
“there is one thing certain in life A, and that is death”
I feel like this death was a little easier for me to handle than my grandfather. I think because I knew she was going and I was able to say I love her and goodbye. We didn’t talk or see each other as much as I now wish maybe we could have. But at the same time, every moment I did spend with her and everything she did pass on to me was enough…so, I guess the Universe works out the way it needs to.
Later this evening, I hop on a plane and head to NorCal for tomorrows funeral. I am going to sing Amazing Grace, her favorite song…everyone has been instructed to wear colors. I picked out a nice deep purple dress and my black funeral pumps [high heals. purchased for my grandfather’s funeral last fall].
The presence of death seems to be the most appropriate time to reflect on life…my own life.
Where am I headed? Does it matter?
What do I believe in and fight for? Is any of that important?
What mark am I capable of making on this rock of a planet? Will it make a difference if I do nothing significant?
What is significant in the grand scheme of things?
changing the perspective of one person on one thing?
offering opportunity to another?
Passing on some sort of proverbial torch?
Nobel Prize? Does it even matter if the recognition is widespread?
Maybe none of that, and yet all of that matters just the same…just in different ways for different people. I have no answers….just more questions. But hey, at the end of the day one thing is for sure:
I feel humbled and I feel affinity and love and appreciation for everyone else in my life that is still alive.
Maybe that is one of the more important byproducts of losing a loved one….a rekindled Love for the Living.
So, blessings and love to all the living and the dead. We all have our purpose.
Not sure what mine is yet, but hey, I guess it doesn’t matter.
Sharing the Love is a pretty big and important purpose.
Maybe I will stick with that for right now.
Peace, Love and funeral pumps.