Facing my Past: In the Present. Future? Affected.

 

I have a past.

Not sure if there is anyone on this rock that doesn’t.

My past has a name…actually…my past has a few names.

One of those names chased me with a knife the last time we spoke.

One of those other names helped save me from THAT past, however, seeing as how everyone has a past, he was no exception to that rule…and his past was pretty extensive as well.

Good, Bad or indifferent, my past happened.  It made me strong.  It made me who I am today.  Can’t change it, and honestly, would not change it even if I could.

Flash Forward: to today…my past is still pushing on me and my progress…well, non-progress as of right now. lol.

It seems like every time I start to get up on my feet, try to be a “joe shmoe” in cubical world, get back on the grid, pay taxes, rah rah rah…I get harassed and bullied back onto my hands and knees (and not in a good way).

Let me explain:

Before I got into my relationship with “J” (my ex-the knife chasing one) I was subject to the regularly scheduled “tax-collecting” police pull-overs.  I paid them, did the traffic school…and, like clockwork, when enough time had passed that I could be eligible for traffic school again, I was paid another visit by the boys in blue (or highway tannish-gold).

Since my insane relationship with “J”, and “R” (my other ex I call “hero”…due to the nature of our contact…he helped bring me back to society and rehabilitate me so that I could confront large groups.  And by “large groups” I mean: more than two people in a room with me at the same time) I have been pulled over almost 20 times in the last year-and-a-half.  Some police officers felt sorry for me and after demanding to know what I was doing, where I was going, where I was living, and how long I would be in “their” town, they let me go with a “warning”.  Most of them were not so human.  I have been arbitrarily pulled over for a number of reasons and ticketed and harassed all over California.

So, when I was offered the opportunity to move to Zonieland and work with family, it was reasonable to assume that maybe the bullying would subside.  To no avail.  After just a week or two of being in the inferno, the molestation picked back up in full force.

 

I was pulled over.  Told I was going 91 in a 65.  Given a ticket for 92 after the usual 21 questions and sent on my way.

I have been so depressed and disappointed and frustrated.

NOW, I NEED TO BE CLEAR ON SOMETHING: I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY PAST.  I ACCEPT MY PART IN MY LIFE.  I ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY DECISIONS.

I find it inappropriate to be harassed by PEACE-OFFICERS (tax-collectors really) when it is very clear that I am no longer affiliated with my ex.  In fact, not only am I not affiliated, I AM STALKED by my knife-wielding ex “J”)…and yet my protectors and my servers are no where in sight when my sister has to answer our front door with a metal baseball bat and my mother gets backed into a corner in her own kitchen.  Where are these men and women when I actually need help?  Not anywhere I can see.

I am not the only one with this type of story…I know several people with similar yet different situations.

AGAIN, I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY DECISION TO DATE “J”, I PAY THE PRICE EVERYDAY, AND UNFORTUNATELY, SO DOES MY FAMILY WHEN HE SHOWS UP TO “FIND” ME.

So, In the spirit of taking on responsibility, after reading chapters 3 and 4 in “The Art of Non-Conformity” by: Chris Guillebeau, I have made some important decisions about this latest “legal situation”.

I have decided to go to court.  If I lose my license, so be it.  If they put me in Jail, so be it.  If the Federal and State Government “boys” don’t have a hard-on for me, then clouds are made of marshmallows and the stars are gum drops.

I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot pay a defense attorney $5,000 dollars to fight for me.  I have come to terms with the facts that I cannot take any of those past fraudulent charges off my record, I cannot change my ever-rising insurance rates, and I cannot change the fact that the “good ol’ boys” wont “cease and desist” and will probably continue to bully and harass me.

I am okay with it all now.  The Universe seems to unfold the way it does and there is always, at bare-bones minimum, a lesson for me to take to heart.  I can’t change how other’s play the “social game”, but I CAN change my perspective on it all, and I can change how I DECIDE to play MY life’s game.

If I lose my license: I fly, bike, walk and take the train.

If I go to jail: I will spend every waking minute educating myself, and anyone else who wants any information I have to offer.

Blessings come in many shapes and sizes.

I have a new appreciation for adversity.

When I come out of this one, I will be stronger than ever.

I will not change how I treat others, the Golden Rule is the only Rule.

I will not change my respect and appreciation for the human race.

I will not change my love and allegiance for my Country.

I WILL CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE.

I WILL CHANGE MY FEAR INTO EXCITEMENT.

I WILL CHANGE MY ATTITUDE.

I have control over that…Thank the Universe! I have control over my inner me.

Peace, Love and blessings (especially for my bullies).

-me

 

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