A dream about K…RIP

Now that I am not at the office…I can reflect and relax.

Right now, I want to reflect on the dream I had last night.

I had a dream that K, a guy I went to high school with who apparently shot his head off with a gun in his parents garage after getting back from Iraq to…nothing really, was still alive and we found each other somewhere and we started dating and had a relationship that was peaceful, sensual, fun, relaxed, strong…I remember snipets of us curled up in bed together smiling and talking about something fun and funny we had just experienced…

It was hard to wake up to that…because I sorta had a crush on him in high school…he had a smart, different way of looking at things and a dry funny sarcasm that tore me to stiches.

I never told anyone, I always thought maybe if it were ever ment to be, I would run into him at one of our high school alumni gatherings and we would both be out of our awkward stages….or at least more comfortable with them…

I will never know now…because he is dead.  I didn’t want to believe it.  I wanted to believe that his death was staged because they wanted him higher up and off the radar or something…he was super smart…

Strange really. Strange how life works out, or doesn’t.  Strange how a dream, a year or so after his suicide, one of the best relationship-type dreams I have ever had…and sad…sad because I will never knnow.

Maybe if there is such thing as “my future lifetime” he and I will meet again…and do things a bit differently.

I know, I know…morbid…but actually…for me…it was kinda sweet…in an almost, Tim Burton romantic chick flick sorta way…if he ever did one of those…

Okay, I have other things I would like to write about tonight.  Time to move onto my next topic by starting a new post.

Suicide, dreams and the might-a-been’s.





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